Flashback

I had completely forgotten about this video of Lucy having an episode of Sandifer's Syndrome until another frightened mother from the UK emailed me after seeing this video on youtube a few weeks ago. I cringe watching it even now.

I posted the video to youtube two years ago in order to show one of our doctors after I had finally worked up the courage to even ask about it. At the time she was around 4 months old, but had been having these episodes since we had brought her home from the hospital. With her weight gain issues, respiratory problems, constant vomiting, hospitalization, and 20 hour a day screaming I was purely terrified to ask for help with yet another issue. I was scared that this was some horrible form of seizure that was destroying her brain. I remember I was waiting for the ceiling to come crashing down; I was waiting for her to have just ONE more health crisis before I would have a nervous breakdown. Back then I was scared all the time for my baby and completely overwhelmed.

I am glad we aren't in that place anymore. I feel relieved we have doctors that know my daughter well and that I don't have to constantly feel paranoid. I have educated myself as best as I can on her disease and any complications that can stem from it, and that gives me a lot of comfort. Sure, I still worry about Lu....A LOT. Yep, I still check on her at night to make sure shes breathing. Of course, I have a hard time leaving her with a babysitter to go out and have some kid-free fun every once in a while. But, none of these worries compares to the fear I had that I wouldn't get to keep Lucy back when she was a tiny thing. Lucy's life may be a little "different" from most toddlers, but seeing this video and realizing how far she has come leaves me feeling quite satisfied with where we are at right now. Lu's differences are not so overwhelming anymore, they are just another part of life and life goes on.

*incidently, the mother that emailed me about the video decided to get a second opinion for her daughter after seeing Lucy's video. Her daughter was diagnosed with Sandifer's Syndrome at the second appointment and is hopefully now on the road to treatment!